Shego vs Monkey Fist
by Briar Elwood
Summary: Little scriptlike thing that HiKuya and I wrote between Shego and Monkey Fist...WARNING: MAJOR DRAKKEN BASHING...AND KILLING. Crack!fic.


Shego/Briar Elwood: I RULE ALL!

Monkey Fist/Hikuya: Only not!

Shego: Monkey Fist sux.

Monkey Fist: Shego sucks (and can't spell)

Shego: MONKEY FIST SMELLS! (like a monkey)

Money Fist: Green is not in.

Shego: Monkeys are stupid.

Monkey Fist: Your glowy hands look like the small poxvirus.

Shego: YOUR FEET ARE HAIRY AND SOOOO GROSS!

Monkey Fist: You're as pale as a corpse, and you smell like one too.

Shego: YOU SMELL LIKE A MONKEY!

Monkey Fist: You look like a hippie. An ugly one.

Shego: YOU LOOK (AND SMELL) (AND ACT) LIKE A MONKEY'S BUTT!

Monkey Fist: You are unable of expressing a thought without all capital letters.

Shego: Especially when I'm "yelling." YOU SMELL LIKE A ROSE!

Monkey Fist: Thanks. I am a British lord, infidel. None of your pretty insults work, fool.

Shego: CHEESE FRITTERS!

Monkey Fist: Wow, same old thing. Not very creative, are you? Nope your idiocy tires me.

Shego: You suck! MONKEY FIST DRINKS TEA W/ PINKIES UP!

Monkey Fist: Shego doesn't drink tea!

Shego: I DRINK CHERRY COLA –WHICH IS BETTER!

Monkey Fist: I drink cherry coke, too. So there!

Shego: yeah well…you're a brainless fur ball.

Monkey Fist: You are an evolutionary failure, and have no fur to survive harsh climates.

Shego: Now, now let's not get all scientific.

Monkey Fist: You just say that because you know it's true.

Shego: You're just jealous

Monkey Fist: Of what?

Shego: ME! SHEGO! (THE WONDERFUL AND ALL POWERFUL)

Monkey Fist: Yawn What was that? You were so boring, I got a bit tired.

Shego: ALL SHALL BOW BEFORE MY WONDROUS POWER, BEAUTY, CHARM, ETC.!

Monkey Fist: Zzzzzzzzzz….

Shego: You suck

Monkey Fist: If it makes you feel better.

Shego: It does, thank-you.

Monkey Fist: I'm glad to assist in the caring of your inferiority complex.

Shego: I'm afraid you're confused. It is you who has the inferiority complex.

Monkey Fist: And yet, I am not the one who needs constant assurance of my wonderfulness.

Shego: I am assuring YOU, nimwit.

Monkey Fist: You obviously misunderstand me. Alas, I shall not waste lead on attempting to explain it to your undeveloped mind.

Shego: YOUR'E THE MONEY!

Monkey Fist: Part monkey, yes. But I am also a British Lord of high standing and culture, unlike a civilized ruffian, such as yourself.

Shego: Yes we would. I'm glad we've come to an agreement.

Monkey Fist: we must agree to disagree

Shego: Indeed

Monkey Fist: Handshake?

Shego: Sure

Monkey Fist: (Shakes hand) Excellent

Shego: Quite so.

Monkey Fist: Would like to come to my manor for tea? I have lovely chai.

Shego: Of course. Tonight?

Monkey Fist: Lovely. Would you like my driver to come get you, or shall you procure your own transportation?

Shego: My own transport, thank you, though.

Monkey fist: Not at all. What kind of gentleman would I be if I were not kind to a lady, after we have decided upon this truce?

Shego: Not one at all. You are gracious man, Monkey Fist. I look forward to tonight.

Monkey Fist: My thanks for your gracious compliments. Until we meet again.

Shego: Adios amigo!

**That night….**

Shego: Hola amigo. You look absolutely smashing w/ that tie.

Monkey Fist: Thank-you. It is one of my favorites. Please come in. (Holds door open)

Shego: beautiful home. Very cozy.

Monkey Fist: It has been the family home for generations. Here's the parlor. I'll ring for the tea.

Shego: (Graciously takes a cup of tea) To tell the truth, I've never had tea. (sips) Wonderful!

Monkey Fist: I am very glad you like it. How's work going for you? (sips tea)

Shego: Ah, same old. That Kim Possible is as irritating as ever. But I have a plot. Quite an evil one at that.

Monkey Fist: Really? I won't ask what it is, since it is an evil plan, not to be shared amongst others. Would you like some bread and jam?

Shego: Of course, of course. Yes, indeed. What flavors do you have?

Monkey Fist: Let's see…strawberry, blueberry, grape, raspberry, and orange marmalade.

Shego: Orange marmalade? Hm…I'll try that.

Monkey Fist: Puts marmalade on bread Here you are. Ah. Nothing like good tea to relax a person.

Shego: (Raises eyebrow inconspicuously) True

Monkey fist: My father and I always had tea together. He took me to an oriental teahouse for a complete tea ceremony. It is one of my fondest memories.

Shego: (Smiles amusedly) Sounds Interesting.

Monkey Fist: (Nods) Father was always a conseuer of tea. I do miss the old chap. Died in a polo accident.

Shego: (Suppresses laughter) Polo?

Monkey Fist: Yes, he was thrown from his horse and broke his neck.

Shego: (coughs) That's…tragic.

Monkey Fist: Yes, but it was many years ago. Ah, forgive me. I always get nostalgic during teatime. What are your interests?

Shego: Uh…Kicking Possible's butt.

Monkey Fist: (Smiles) Yes, many are fond of that.

(Kim Possible interrupts this part of the script to say that none of these evil villains have ever kicked my butt. Thank-you and you may continue!)

Shego: Well who wouldn't be? It's such a satisfying sport.

Monkey fist: She is good at hand-to-hand combat. Never have I been so defeated, yet felt so satisfied. She is a worthy opponent.

(Hey Kim here and hello!... I kicked all their evil butts all the time and they've never won!)

Shego: Indeed. Stoppable on the other hand….

Monkey fist: A dunder head, yes. A nice young boy but a dunce.

Shego: An utter and complete idiot. Along w/ his annoying naked mole rat. Idiots.

Monkey Fist: That pink thing is very ugly. More tea?

Shego: Oh, no thank-you. And speaking of idiots… have you heard the last thing Drakken has done?

Monkey Fist: Ugh, do I even want to know?

Shego: Probably not. He has found……….a woman.

Monkey Fist: (Chokes on tea) I beg your pardon?

Shego: (nods solemnly) DNAmy. It's rather disgusting.

Monkey Fist: I think hell may have just frozen over..

Shego: (Shakes head) They'll either kill themselves or kill us all.

Monkey Fist: Let us hope it's the former. I rather enjoy life.

Shego: I do too. But I'd rather die than live w/...them...as a couple...

Monkey Fist: that would be understandable. Have you ever thought about doing your own evil villainy? I'm certain you'd be good at it.

Shego: Too true (Considers) I might just do that.

Monkey Fist: it'd be much better for your career.

Shego: (nods) I think I'll do that. Hm. And then ...maybe I could do away w/ Drakken

Monkey Fist: Put him out of business. More humiliating.

Shego: But he'd still exist!

Monkey Fist: Not much of one.

Shego: Still...

Monkey Fist: I think it would be funny...

Shego: What about a slow, torturing death? That would be the best day of my life.

Monkey Fist: It would be very satisfying...

Shego: Very. I'd invite you.

Monkey Fist: I'll bring a picnic. I do like cooking.

Shego: (eagerly) Cookies?

Monkey Fist: (Nod) Of course. Are snicker doodles all right?

Shego: Yes, yes, of course! Now what, specifically, should be the method? I've always been quite fond of the rack. But my personal favorite ... well. Maybe. Hm. How about this? First, a dose of pain. Then I attack the heart. Emotionally, I mean. Then I finish it off w/ the I'm so evil.

Monkey Fist: I simply couldn't tell. What of DNAmy? She won't sit idly by.

Shego: DNAmy can go dunk her head in a toilet for all I care.

Monkey Fist: I'm actually a fan of the head boot...

Shego: (blinks) Come again?

Monkey Fist: The head boot. You put the victim's foot into a large, metal boot, then fill the excess room with boiling lead. Very painful. Yet not lethal.

Shego: So that for DNAmy? Or Drakken?

Monkey Fist: Either or. It is your revenge. One must be unique about it.

Shego: Too true, too true. Well. It's getting late. I'll contact you when I have everything set up and ready.

Monkey Fist: Lovely. Feel free to drop by anytime. You're most welcome to look about if I'm not in. I shall escort you to the door.

Shego: Thank-you

Monkey Fist: (Holds door, bows) Until we meet again, Ms. Shego

Shego: (grins, an evil twinkle in eye) Yes, indeed.

**A week later...**

Monkey Fist: (Is inside on a rainy day, reading "The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire)

(phone rings)

Monkey Fist: (Sets book aside and jumps/swings to a desk on the other side of the room. Picks up phone) Hello?

Shego: Monkey Fist

Monkey Fist: Ah, Shego. How may I be of service?

Shego: (whispers) Something ..horrible had happened, monkey fist. (There's a desperate edge in her tone)

Monkey Fist: What is it? Are you all right?

Shego: NO! It's horrible, horrible, HORRIBLE! (Pauses, catching her breathe) DNAmy gave him a ring. (There is a deathly silence) ISN'T THAT DISCUSTING?

monkey Fist: Oh my...Yes, it is rather...appalling. He wears it all the time, doesn't he?

Shego: On a gold chain around his neck. At first I thought it was 'bling.' It's supposedly supposed to symbolize their 'togetherness.' I'm not sure I can take it much longer, Monkey Fist. She's around here all the time, hanging on his every word. Googly eyed. GOOGLY EYED!

Monkey Fist: Ewww..Like this? (Drawing of a face with hearts as eyes)

Shego: (sarcastically) we're on the phone. I can't see you.

Monkey Fist: (Sigh) I always do that. I'm sorry. Well, if you need a quick escape, you're welcome to come here.

Shego: Do you mind if I come now? (suppresses squeal of horror, fierce whisper) They're making out!

Monkey Fist: Dear God, woman, get out of there! Yes, yes, please come as soon as you can! Flee, flee! Oh, your poor eyes..

Shego: Thank-you! (hangs up phone)

**10 minutes later.**.

Monkey Fist: (opens door)

Shego: (hurries in) Thank-you so very much.

Monkey Fist: My pleasure. Anything to get you away from that.

Shego: (Shudders) The horror.

Monkey Fist: Is there anything you would like?

Shego: Something to clean my eyes out w/.

Monkey Fist: There's a sink in the bathroom..

Shego:(hurries off) Thanks. (comes back out, wiping her eyes w/ back of hand)

Monkey Fist: I can have the guest room prepared, if you want to stay.

Shego: (Shakes head) Actually, I plan to. . . pull an all-nighter. Planning. If you get my meaning.

Monkey Fist: Uh-huh.

Shego: So...do you have some place I could work?

Monkey Fist; Yes, I'm not using my study at the moment.. this way.

Shego: (Follows) Thanks. And ..no disturbance would be nice.

Monkey Fist: I'll set up a guard, if you wish.

Shego: That'd be great. See you...soon, hopefully.

Monkey Fist: One can only hope. Here we are. (opens door to a study) Good night.

Shego: G'night.

**The next day...**

Shego: (Sudden cream of triumph fills the air)

Monkey Fist: (Jerks awake, very groggy) Who's been murdered! There better not be blood on my carpet! It's impossible to get out.

Shego: (runs through door, sees Monkey Fist) Oop. Sorry (backs out door & waits for him to get fully dressed)

Monkey Fist: (Dresses in a nice suit, walks out) Now, what's this all about?

Shego: (in a squeal of triumph) I've finished!

Monkey Fist: finished what, pray tell?

Shego: (Suddenly sober. Folds arms, pouting) You know what.

Monkey Fist: (Still groggy) humor me.

Shego: (ignores him) First. I need caffeine.

Monkey Fist: In kitchen. Let's go.

Shego: (Follows) You're going to want to take shelter.

Monkey Fist: Why?

Shego: (eyes him meaningfully) You've never seen me on caffeine, have you?

Monkey Fist: I don't want to.

Shego: Exactly. Where's your phone?

Monkey Fist: Over there (Points to phone on wall by fridge)

Shego: Thanks. (walks to phone)

Hello? Drakken? Yeah, it's Shego. Listen, you & DNAmy wanna go to the park? Sure, whatever. Great. Fifteen minutes? Perfect. Bye. (turns to Monkey Fist) Now, where's that caffeine?

Monkey Fist: (Points to coffee pot) Soda's in the fridge.

Shego: Good, good. Anything else? Chocolate, coffee, pills?

Monkey Fist: Chocolate in cupboard. (is not a morning person, sips tea.)

Shego: (Sadly) No pills?

Monkey Fist: No.

Shego: Darn. Oh well. (attacks sources caffeine)

**15 minutes later...**

Monkey Fist: (Thinking) I'm doomed...

Shego: (excitedly) No...points they're doomed.

Monkey Fist: (Looks to where Shego is pointing) Idiot...

Shego: (Bounces, over Drakken & DNAmy) 'Ello. (Suddenly lime green lasers shot from eyes, DNAmy disappears in a puff of green smoke Grins) That was satisfying.

Monkey Fist: Lazor...

Shego: Whatever. (Drakken looks surprised Shego grins & waves) Buh-Bye!

Monkey Fist: (Waves a foot, busy easting)

Shego: (Drakken screams & runs Shego grins gleefully & bounces out of sight)

**Soon Afterwards...**

Shego: (Shego bounces back) All is well in the world!

Monkey Fist: (sipping an iced chai) That's good. How'd it go?

Shego: Ah very well. Very well indeed. In fact ...I even got a trophy...

Monkey Fist: Really for what?

Shego: In significance of my triumph (holds up gold chain w/ ring dangling on end & gives an ear-splitting grin)

Monkey Fist: (Shakes head, stands up) Well, to celebrate, shall we go out to eat?

Shego: (pumps fist in air) Nee-yah! Yes.

Monkey Fist: Where would you like to go?

Shego: (pauses & thinks) KFC! Chicken! Bra-bra-bragack! giggles

Monkey Fist: All right. KFC it is. We'll take the car. (Goes off to get driver)

Shego: (Giggles a little longer, eyes roll to back of head & collapses)

Monkey Fist: (Comes back) Shego? (Nudges with foot) Oi, are you dead?

Shego: (Peers him w/ one eye) No. I've fainted. Too much caffeine. Hehe.

Monkey Fist: (Sigh) Until you calm down, no KFC.

Shego: (pouts) That might take awhile.

Monkey Fist: Sleep it off. Need any help up?

Shego: (Considers) Yeah, I think so.

_A/N: We love reviewers and live for constructive criticism!_


End file.
